do you ever pretend like you didn’t see something so the other person doesn’t feel embarrassed
- so honestly, i’ve given way too many chances. and i’m tired. i’m so so tired. i’m tired of believing the best in people, in seeing the good, in giving all these chances for no good reason. and it’s like, the truth is so clear. i’m so afraid and so down on my self that i choose to stick in these situations. like though we may get along great and it may feel like this is the best personality click i’ve ever had, it’s such a shitty predicament. and i can’t let it go because why? because deep down, like way deep underneath the ice i call my soul, i’m sure it’s because i truly think i can never do any better. i can’t get anyone better. it’s a miracle that someone expresses interest in me and i’m actually reciprocating. i won’t find anything better. not because what we have is so special, but because i’m not cute enough or hot enough or whatever enough. like FUCK you know?
i’m so tired of everything. so, so tired.
and i skipped out on hanging with some friends because damn like how do you even talk about things like this? you know how embarrassing it is to share that i’m in this type of predicament? i’m literally digging my own grave, i’m being as pathetic as i can be, and i’m not doing anything about it because damn, i don’t have enough self respect. how fucking sad man.
I describe his voice as Sam Smith before he figured out what heartbreak was and instead figured out what drugs were and used them in moderation. And also grew up in UK or Australia.
- So here’s what I’m thinking. I’m putting myself through a lot of shit, staying as emotionally unattached yet so attached at the same time, saying things I’ve never said about myself, blah blah just so he can realize that I’m the one. And why? Cause I like him so much, yaknow. We get along so well, it’s the personality compatibility that I’ve never had and it’s amazing. However, here’s what I’m worried about. What if after we get through this milestone, we break through this shit and we’re finally like… together…. well what if I realize at that point that, though we’re compatible personality wise, that’s just it? What if he’s not that caring, that sincere, that romantic as I need him to be? Though my levels of all of these things are not very high, I nevertheless still need to feel something. Compassion. I dont know.
- So what if this is all for nothing? What if after you find the light at the end of the tunnel, you’re standing in the light, hoping for sunshine and natural warmth, and instead realize you were chasing a lame florescent bulb that you could find anywhere?